hot coffee girl

Yes, there are those of you who were ready for Christmas when the Thanksgiving turkey hit the table. You had your cards out the day after, and your tree up and your presents wrapped by the close of the weekend. You have probably been spending your days since then baking perfect cookies, and sitting around in your prepared smugness humming carols. Fuck you.

In case you are among the others…the ones who are still frantically thinking of gift ideas…look no further. I am here to help you find that something perfect for even the most finicky folks on your list.

For the Cubicle Jockey in your life, nothing says, “I understand” like a coffee mug. This splendid little number from The Onion will help them tell their co-workers how they feel without having to say a word.

Know someone who is the Ultimate in Retro-Geek Chic? Then this Blue Tooth Handset is something that I think even Dave would approve of.

For that special someone who’s put on a little weight this year, nothing says “Porky” like a bottle of Fat Bastard Wine. Trust me-I have given as a heartfelt gift in the past.

For the meat-eater/world traveler who has everything, consider a gift certificate to the Four Seasons in Jakarta, where a diner can buy a $110 hamburger. Don’t expect to mix with the locals, though, as the average wage in most parts of the Indonesia is around $40 a month.

I hope this helps with your last-minute panic.